Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Saying: "See Ya Later"

I've never been good at dealing with death. Especially when its someone so close. I have been blessed. I haven't really had to deal with the death of family member since my grandma died when I was a sophomore in college. But even that was a little different. Terrible as it is, I had distanced myself from her. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And my grandmother had been suffering from it for a long time. She didn't even know herself when she passed so that...well, that was that.

I think the hardest death was when my grandpa died in '99. I had won reserved champion that year at the state fair and was so proud and couldn't wait to show my grandpa because I knew he would be proud too. And he was, of course even though he was laying there on a hospital bed strapped up to so many things that were keeping him alive. I know he stayed as long as he could for us and that was the HARDEST good-bye in my entire life. Watching this huge teddy bear with beautiful golden grown skin shrink and pale before my very eyes. It still haunts me.

Perhaps thats the reason why I couldn't bring myself to come home when my aunt got sick. I knew what she would look like laying in the hospital bed and I didn't want to remember her that way. And this is how she was...

BEAUTIFUL, WARM, LOVING, ATTENTIVE, SUPPORTIVE, FUNNY, UNDERSTANDING, HUGGABLE and KISSABLE. She was everything perfect and absolutely contagious. She loved everyone and took care of everyone. She had hugs you could melt in to and a laugh that carried in the four winds and just made you smile and feel safe and loved. She loved purple just like my grandma. She was a wonderful mother, daughter, sister, wife, and aunt and I hope I can be as kind as she was.

She won't be there on my wedding day, she never got to meet the love of my life, and I won't get the little peck on the lips anymore that only an aunt can do. She is one special lady.

But...she's in our hearts and she's in her five wonderful children, and in their children and I know even though I won't be able to see her and kiss on her on the biggest day of my life, I know she will be up in Heaven, watching over us and at the reception she will be hollaring for me to "KISS HIM, KISS HIM!!! GIVE HIM A GOOD ONE!" and then she'll cheer and laugh that incredible laugh...

I know she is happy and pain free and SO happy to be with my grandparents in Heaven, living it up with the Lord. She touched so many people here on Earth, but it's her turn to be happy and carefree.

So this isn't "goodbye" its just "see you later..."

I love you Aunt Judy

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