Monday, July 18, 2011

Proverbs 16:9

..."the mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."

Not too long ago I subscribed to this online devotional for couples. I though it was the best way for Beau and I to have our own church services since we have yet to find a church that fits us here. And I think its a remarkable way to get to know each others hearts even more and really grow as a couple. When I subscribed, I also subscribed for this devotional for "20 something women." There have been more than a few times where reading this devotional (directed at women in this age group) has really opened my eyes to a lot of things we face as women at this age and there have been many times where the writer has felt much like I have at times. Its so refreshing. I highly recommend it. If you would like to check it out sometime let me know and I will facebook you the link!

Today the writer (named Shannon) was talking about how she had just turned 29 and how she felt like putting a "9" at the end of her age felt so final, like she was closing that whole stage of life. She talked about how she made a list when she was 19 of how she wanted her life to turn out and how there were times where she felt she had failed because so many things were left un-done. However, she also mentioned how she felt she was growing lately because she was able to look past her list that she made so many years ago and realize that, at this point in her life, her past had taken her in a different direction and now those dreams she had set out for herself weren't so important anymore. makes me think of where I have been in my life for the past three years. I knew I wanted to marry Beau pretty much from the moment I met him. I knew I wanted to be an architect since I was in grade school, and I knew I wanted to live in Iowa. There is never a day that goes by that Beau and I didn't wish we were back home but look at where we are now.

Him leaving the country for school was possibly the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. But even in such a hard and difficult time, there was a silver lining to it all. Beau is almost graduated, we are getting married in October, and our relationship is so strong...stronger than anything I know and I know with all my heart that if the Lord wouldn't have lead him there, we probably wouldn't have the incredible relationship we have now. Thank you Lord.

I am not an architect. In fact, I will be getting my undergrad just shy of age 26. Why did I screw around for so many years? Why did I not just get my act together in my "early" 20's, buckle down, and stick it out? If I would have I possibly would be an architect by now or I would maybe have my master's in architectural history. Instead I am 25 and ready to tear my hair out because I don't have my dream job. I don't have a job period. Yet, there are many things I need to be thankful for. When I made the decision to leave school for awhile to pursue a different field of study I felt like I was backed into a corner and fighting my way out. ISU was getting to be too much, and I just needed to re-group. Looking back I am glad I did it. Once again it made Beau and I really appreciate each other and fight for what we had. It gave me a chance to learn new things about myself and really discover my independence. I met so many new people and made some great friends in nursing school and the fact that I was home made me reconnect with those I had been friends with in high school and grew those relationships as well. Thank you Lord for the amazing people in my life and thank you for where I am now and all the amazing things I have done and seen. It was not my plan, but it was yours and I couldn't be happier.

Recently Beau and I were trying very hard to get home as soon as possible. We even considered transferring schools so we could get back to Iowa. We thought long and hard about it and prayed so diligently that the Lord would send us back. But I feel, so strongly, that we need to be here. We need to make New York work, and we need to rely on each other and Him to make this a great experience for us. I feel as though here is where we are preparing for the rest of our life together and even though we would MUCH rather be home and closer to friends and family who have been our constant support system, we have a peace now that the Lord is going to do amazing things in us while we are here, maybe even use us in ways that we couldn't really be used at home. And for that we are thankful.

So I guess what it comes down to is this: even if we feel like we have the ideal life planned out for ourselves we have to not fight what God wants for us. It may seem safe and more certain to do things our own way, but it never is, and its never half as rewarding as when we just let Him be our GPS. There are so many roads we want to go down in life that seem sunny and straight, and a lot easier on our cars but its not near as fun and exciting when we take the "road less traveled" no matter how bumpy and scary it may SEEM at first. This is something I have to remind myself everyday. I need to remember that life really never turns out how you planned but better.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

2:43 am, Ranting to my Adoring Fans...

Well, its EARLY (or late) and instead of drifting off to dream land along side my slumbering fiance (who has been out to the world for 5 and a 1/2 hours now) I am up.

Tonight was going to be different. I was going to try and break this habit I have gotten into. This insomniac lifestyle I have adopted since we moved here. It was pushing 11 here and instead of reading the 2 billion pages I have to have read by friday to take my exam, AND instead of completing a writing assignment due on the same day, I decided to procrastinate. Its what I do. I have become the QUEEN of procrastination. I have realized that now that the blinding light at the end of the tunnel inevitably means that repayment of student loans will commence in a short 6 months, I am dragging my feet. Why? Who knows why. Why would one possibly burn out when the end was so near. New mantra? "You are done in a month" Sometimes I wonder to myself if I really want to further pursue my endeavors in higher education and then I remember that now is when I actually begin to APPLY all that I have wasted countless hours and money on for the past 6 YEARS! I stand corrected. There is no applying what I have learned to the outside world, instead it is merely a VERY costly piece of paper. Oh well, on to bigger and better things and 10 years from now when I have the career that I have wanted since I was 10 will be well worth it right?

Part of my procrastination tonight was this little thing we call youtube. I love youtube. I hate youtube. I am STEWING over youtube tonight. It has let me down. I am not one for remembering passwords and sign on names. I have too damn many of them and they are all different and it is impossible to remember them all. It is because of this that I have never, EVER signed out of my youtube account for fear of not being able to remember the shit needed to sign back in. It happened tonight. I went to listen to Bee Gee's (yes Bee Gee's) and I look up into the corner. The right hand corner that tells you you are indeed signed in and all your "favorites" are right there at your finger tips. To my HORROR I went to my favorites list and NOTHING. OVER 100 FAVORITES GONE! After a great deal of cussing like a sailor in my head I decided to just start the whole process over again. This occurred at 1 am. At 2 am I had managed to remember most of what was on my favorites and began to fall asleep at the wheel. So I decided to go lay down and deal with it in the morning. But as I snuck into a very cold bedroom and slid under the covers into a very warm bed and curled up alongside Beau I thought how I hadn't blogged in forever and how my faithful readers are probably wondering why I hadn't been faithful. I know that my readers LOVE to read my blog and that if I had the proper knowledge on how to really do a blog the right way, complete with slide shows and a spot for emails from my fans begging for more reading material, I would undoubtedly be sorting through thousands of requests for a new posting. How could I let you down?

So despite it now being 3:02 in the morning I wanted to write. Here it is:

Usually when I see the Ice Cream Lady heading down the street in Toledo I think "how quaint." I think Leave It To Beaver and how absolutely PERFECT it is that a small farm town in Iowa has an Ice Cream Truck. When I hear the music I get all giddy, dig for spare change, and stand out on the corner waiting for her to pull up. New York is different. The fact that the ice cream man plays his music until after dark freaks me out. I also think its insane that he charges $2 for a baby cone. I also think its creepy that he parks down at the park. Funny anecdote for you though, the other day while I was walking back from the grocery store the Ice Cream truck was indeed parked in its same predatorial spot playing its music to the kiddies like the Pied Piper and I look up and barreling down the road is ANOTHER Ice Cream truck. I began to play out the scenario in my head: Ice Cream Truck #1 found out that Ice Cream Truck #2 makes a KILLING of this prime location and so he gets up before dawn and stakes his claim on the corner. Ice Cream Truck #2 catches wind that someone has encroached on his turf. Ice Cream Truck #2 races to location. There is a standoff in the street. Ice Cream Man vs. Ice Cream Man. Its an all out turf war. (end scene) Ok so it was hilarious to me. I guess you had to have been there.

So there you have it. I am tapped out for the night but I promise that I will be more on top of this whole blog thing, that is AFTER I re-add all my favorites to youtube :D