..."the mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."
Not too long ago I subscribed to this online devotional for couples. I though it was the best way for Beau and I to have our own church services since we have yet to find a church that fits us here. And I think its a remarkable way to get to know each others hearts even more and really grow as a couple. When I subscribed, I also subscribed for this devotional for "20 something women." There have been more than a few times where reading this devotional (directed at women in this age group) has really opened my eyes to a lot of things we face as women at this age and there have been many times where the writer has felt much like I have at times. Its so refreshing. I highly recommend it. If you would like to check it out sometime let me know and I will facebook you the link!
Today the writer (named Shannon) was talking about how she had just turned 29 and how she felt like putting a "9" at the end of her age felt so final, like she was closing that whole stage of life. She talked about how she made a list when she was 19 of how she wanted her life to turn out and how there were times where she felt she had failed because so many things were left un-done. However, she also mentioned how she felt she was growing lately because she was able to look past her list that she made so many years ago and realize that, at this point in her life, her past had taken her in a different direction and now those dreams she had set out for herself weren't so important anymore.
Wow...it makes me think of where I have been in my life for the past three years. I knew I wanted to marry Beau pretty much from the moment I met him. I knew I wanted to be an architect since I was in grade school, and I knew I wanted to live in Iowa. There is never a day that goes by that Beau and I didn't wish we were back home but look at where we are now.
Him leaving the country for school was possibly the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. But even in such a hard and difficult time, there was a silver lining to it all. Beau is almost graduated, we are getting married in October, and our relationship is so strong...stronger than anything I know and I know with all my heart that if the Lord wouldn't have lead him there, we probably wouldn't have the incredible relationship we have now. Thank you Lord.
I am not an architect. In fact, I will be getting my undergrad just shy of age 26. Why did I screw around for so many years? Why did I not just get my act together in my "early" 20's, buckle down, and stick it out? If I would have I possibly would be an architect by now or I would maybe have my master's in architectural history. Instead I am 25 and ready to tear my hair out because I don't have my dream job. I don't have a job period. Yet, there are many things I need to be thankful for. When I made the decision to leave school for awhile to pursue a different field of study I felt like I was backed into a corner and fighting my way out. ISU was getting to be too much, and I just needed to re-group. Looking back I am glad I did it. Once again it made Beau and I really appreciate each other and fight for what we had. It gave me a chance to learn new things about myself and really discover my independence. I met so many new people and made some great friends in nursing school and the fact that I was home made me reconnect with those I had been friends with in high school and grew those relationships as well. Thank you Lord for the amazing people in my life and thank you for where I am now and all the amazing things I have done and seen. It was not my plan, but it was yours and I couldn't be happier.
Recently Beau and I were trying very hard to get home as soon as possible. We even considered transferring schools so we could get back to Iowa. We thought long and hard about it and prayed so diligently that the Lord would send us back. But I feel, so strongly, that we need to be here. We need to make New York work, and we need to rely on each other and Him to make this a great experience for us. I feel as though here is where we are preparing for the rest of our life together and even though we would MUCH rather be home and closer to friends and family who have been our constant support system, we have a peace now that the Lord is going to do amazing things in us while we are here, maybe even use us in ways that we couldn't really be used at home. And for that we are thankful.
So I guess what it comes down to is this: even if we feel like we have the ideal life planned out for ourselves we have to not fight what God wants for us. It may seem safe and more certain to do things our own way, but it never is, and its never half as rewarding as when we just let Him be our GPS. There are so many roads we want to go down in life that seem sunny and straight, and a lot easier on our cars but its not near as fun and exciting when we take the "road less traveled" no matter how bumpy and scary it may SEEM at first. This is something I have to remind myself everyday. I need to remember that life really never turns out how you planned but better.