Beau and I have been doing a LOT of planning recently. One thing that makes me love him so much, this AMAZING man, is that he has life planned. There has never been a moment where he hasn't had a plan. And never has he taken on a plan without confirmation from God that that is what HE wants us to do. I have been given such an amazing man who works his fingers to the bone to give me all the amazing things in my life. But what is more important to me than anything and what speaks such volumes is how he plans for our future together. It makes me feel so safe and taken care of.
Since I met him I have never made a single decision that didn't involve him and I am beginning to realize more and more that he can say the same about me. He spent thins whole past weekend planning retirement. Our RETIREMENT...it seems so far away. We haven't even begun our careers yet and he is figuring out how much money we should save and how we can grow our wealth. "Wow" is all I can think, "he must love me more than I know to be this prepared and this devoted to giving us a good life."
Figuring out life is not easy. There are so many questions at this point in our life. Where will we be come August? Should we move to Atlanta? Should we join the Air Force? Should we buy another vehicle next month? How soon can we pay off our bills? Will I hear good news from the head of the architecture department in a couple weeks? Can I have a career as an architectural historian in the Midwest? Should I pursue grad school this year? If not what will I do between graduation and grad school? So many questions. And I have no idea how to even begin to answer them.
25 and I am JUST NOT starting to feel like a grown up. So many changes this year. Moving away from home for the first time, buying another vehicle, graduating, getting married. WOW! A very busy year indeed.
So many changes and so many questions. But when it comes down to it I have peace in knowing that I just need to ask for the answers. The Lord has lead us here, He has given us blessings beyond number, He is good, and He is our protector and provider. I know he will show us where He wants us and what He wants us to do. So when it comes to figuring out life, all we really need to do is pray and be patient for the answer and then do it!
I feel better already
*"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I've never been good at dealing with death. Especially when its someone so close. I have been blessed. I haven't really had to deal with the death of family member since my grandma died when I was a sophomore in college. But even that was a little different. Terrible as it is, I had distanced myself from her. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And my grandmother had been suffering from it for a long time. She didn't even know herself when she passed so that...well, that was that.
I think the hardest death was when my grandpa died in '99. I had won reserved champion that year at the state fair and was so proud and couldn't wait to show my grandpa because I knew he would be proud too. And he was, of course even though he was laying there on a hospital bed strapped up to so many things that were keeping him alive. I know he stayed as long as he could for us and that was the HARDEST good-bye in my entire life. Watching this huge teddy bear with beautiful golden grown skin shrink and pale before my very eyes. It still haunts me.
Perhaps thats the reason why I couldn't bring myself to come home when my aunt got sick. I knew what she would look like laying in the hospital bed and I didn't want to remember her that way. And this is how she was...
BEAUTIFUL, WARM, LOVING, ATTENTIVE, SUPPORTIVE, FUNNY, UNDERSTANDING, HUGGABLE and KISSABLE. She was everything perfect and absolutely contagious. She loved everyone and took care of everyone. She had hugs you could melt in to and a laugh that carried in the four winds and just made you smile and feel safe and loved. She loved purple just like my grandma. She was a wonderful mother, daughter, sister, wife, and aunt and I hope I can be as kind as she was.
She won't be there on my wedding day, she never got to meet the love of my life, and I won't get the little peck on the lips anymore that only an aunt can do. She is one special lady.
But...she's in our hearts and she's in her five wonderful children, and in their children and I know even though I won't be able to see her and kiss on her on the biggest day of my life, I know she will be up in Heaven, watching over us and at the reception she will be hollaring for me to "KISS HIM, KISS HIM!!! GIVE HIM A GOOD ONE!" and then she'll cheer and laugh that incredible laugh...
I know she is happy and pain free and SO happy to be with my grandparents in Heaven, living it up with the Lord. She touched so many people here on Earth, but it's her turn to be happy and carefree.
So this isn't "goodbye" its just "see you later..."
I love you Aunt Judy