Rambling at 2:30 in the morning...

Only a week ago the weather channel had promised rain and thunderstorms all the way up until May 26th. He was wrong. I guess summer has finally reached our neighborhood and not a moment too soon. It's been in the 80's here all week and I have celebrated by opening the windows wide and leaving the door open while the sunlight and sounds of jack hammers poor into our tiny apartment.

I needed this lift of spirits. Things have been overwhelming as of late and I have the feeling the rest of 2011 is going to fly by and we are going to be left standing wondering where it slipped away to. Its been a crazy year to say the least; cross country move, loss of a loved one, hardships, additions to the family, graduations, weddings, more moving, starting graduate school...its hard to believe we've been here almost 6 months already. We only have a month left on our lease and then we move (again) to parts unknown. Where will you send us this time Lord?

I have gotten into the bad habit of late nights again and perhaps that is the reason for the rambling now. 2:30. I should be in bed but instead I am up with thoughts shaking around in my head. I really should start keeping a note pad next to the bed. They say that helps when you can sleep.

So does Ramelteon.

Is May considered a summer month?

Well, Beau and I had been counting down the days til we could return to Iowa and be close to our loved ones. We made it to the day and ticked off two more weeks and now we're back in New York. Two weeks was not near long enough.

I had heard that it had been warm in Iowa prior to our visit. Scratch that, HOT, prior to our visit. You could imagine how disappointed I was when we arrived in Iowa to see trees that barely had any leaves on them yet and experience temps that were far from...well...hot. Most of the time we were home I was in jeans and a sweatshirt and it wasn't until the last day we were home did I finally have a reason to dawn something lighter, appropriate for the typical Iowa summer temperatures. And then we get back to New York...

We leave the baggage claim and are immediately struck by a warm breeze that is uncharacteristic of the New York that we know. As we ride down the expressway towards our apartment there is a sea of green. The leaves have FINALLY budded out and our driver tells us that it was 95 there the day before and that it had been hot the whole time we were gone. Summer has come to New York.

There are birds EVERYWHERE! I love birds. Love them. They are flying and singing and they are all just so darn cute. The cute like in a cartoon movie where they land on your finger and sing to you. Fluffy, puffy, looking all sweet and innocent. My black bird is now a blue bird, I need a touch up...

Well, I must run for the time being. It is May, it is warm, and we are in New York. I might have to do some much needed sight seeing

Figuring out Life

Beau and I have been doing a LOT of planning recently. One thing that makes me love him so much, this AMAZING man, is that he has life planned. There has never been a moment where he hasn't had a plan. And never has he taken on a plan without confirmation from God that that is what HE wants us to do. I have been given such an amazing man who works his fingers to the bone to give me all the amazing things in my life. But what is more important to me than anything and what speaks such volumes is how he plans for our future together. It makes me feel so safe and taken care of.

Since I met him I have never made a single decision that didn't involve him and I am beginning to realize more and more that he can say the same about me. He spent thins whole past weekend planning retirement. Our RETIREMENT...it seems so far away. We haven't even begun our careers yet and he is figuring out how much money we should save and how we can grow our wealth. "Wow" is all I can think, "he must love me more than I know to be this prepared and this devoted to giving us a good life."

*SIGH*

Figuring out life is not easy. There are so many questions at this point in our life. Where will we be come August? Should we move to Atlanta? Should we join the Air Force? Should we buy another vehicle next month? How soon can we pay off our bills? Will I hear good news from the head of the architecture department in a couple weeks? Can I have a career as an architectural historian in the Midwest? Should I pursue grad school this year? If not what will I do between graduation and grad school? So many questions. And I have no idea how to even begin to answer them.

25 and I am JUST NOT starting to feel like a grown up. So many changes this year. Moving away from home for the first time, buying another vehicle, graduating, getting married. WOW! A very busy year indeed.

So many changes and so many questions. But when it comes down to it I have peace in knowing that I just need to ask for the answers. The Lord has lead us here, He has given us blessings beyond number, He is good, and He is our protector and provider. I know he will show us where He wants us and what He wants us to do. So when it comes to figuring out life, all we really need to do is pray and be patient for the answer and then do it!

I feel better already

*"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34

Saying: "See Ya Later"

I've never been good at dealing with death. Especially when its someone so close. I have been blessed. I haven't really had to deal with the death of family member since my grandma died when I was a sophomore in college. But even that was a little different. Terrible as it is, I had distanced myself from her. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And my grandmother had been suffering from it for a long time. She didn't even know herself when she passed so that...well, that was that.

I think the hardest death was when my grandpa died in '99. I had won reserved champion that year at the state fair and was so proud and couldn't wait to show my grandpa because I knew he would be proud too. And he was, of course even though he was laying there on a hospital bed strapped up to so many things that were keeping him alive. I know he stayed as long as he could for us and that was the HARDEST good-bye in my entire life. Watching this huge teddy bear with beautiful golden grown skin shrink and pale before my very eyes. It still haunts me.

Perhaps thats the reason why I couldn't bring myself to come home when my aunt got sick. I knew what she would look like laying in the hospital bed and I didn't want to remember her that way. And this is how she was...

BEAUTIFUL, WARM, LOVING, ATTENTIVE, SUPPORTIVE, FUNNY, UNDERSTANDING, HUGGABLE and KISSABLE. She was everything perfect and absolutely contagious. She loved everyone and took care of everyone. She had hugs you could melt in to and a laugh that carried in the four winds and just made you smile and feel safe and loved. She loved purple just like my grandma. She was a wonderful mother, daughter, sister, wife, and aunt and I hope I can be as kind as she was.

She won't be there on my wedding day, she never got to meet the love of my life, and I won't get the little peck on the lips anymore that only an aunt can do. She is one special lady.

But...she's in our hearts and she's in her five wonderful children, and in their children and I know even though I won't be able to see her and kiss on her on the biggest day of my life, I know she will be up in Heaven, watching over us and at the reception she will be hollaring for me to "KISS HIM, KISS HIM!!! GIVE HIM A GOOD ONE!" and then she'll cheer and laugh that incredible laugh...

I know she is happy and pain free and SO happy to be with my grandparents in Heaven, living it up with the Lord. She touched so many people here on Earth, but it's her turn to be happy and carefree.

So this isn't "goodbye" its just "see you later..."

I love you Aunt Judy

Well, That Lasted An All Of...

...two and a half months, if that.

I was reading an older blog. All bright eyed and bushy tailed to move to New York. We came, we saw, we're ready to leave.

Being in med school you move. A LOT. I am sure its nothing compared to living life in the military, but this may come second to the most nomadic lifestyle. Ok third, to nomads.

We have been here since January. January 17th to be exact and we have accumulated. Again. We moved out her with four big boxes, which once you spread it out does not amount to much. So we went shopping and therefore managed to fill the apartment with furniture. BIG furniture. Furniture that will have to be moved in a few months to yet another apartment where we will live for approximately 6 weeks, only have to move AGAIN somewhere down South. Mailing address? Oh who knows...

Beau and I are not this type of person. People have told me how they wished they were in our shoes. But the soles are wearing thin and we are ready to take them off and dig our toes into grass in our own back yard, or in the deep pile of the carpet in our own living room. Somewhere, anywhere...anywhere that allows us to have mail go directly there rather than forwarded. Somewhere where we can say: "oh come on down whenever" and actually mean it because we know for sure that we'll be living there for longer than 6 months at a time.

Tired of being a gypsy nomad...we just want to come home!

Our Little Man's Birthday

I call him our "Little Man", "Booger", "Mr. Pants", "Mr.", "Baby Boy", "Ollie", "Oliver" (but only when he's in trouble) and Beau just calls him "Ollie."

I can't believe on the 26th hes going to be 4 years old! I know I sound like I am talking about our own flesh and blood here, but I am talking merely about our dog. Our strong willed, needy, mama's boy Beagle who loves everyone and wants to be friends with everyone he meets. To Beau hes just a dog but to me hes my pride and joy. Perhaps its that need in me to nurture and be "mama" to something. To take care of it and raise it and have it depend on me and love me no matter what mood I am in, or if I look and feel like absolute poo, who always wants to cuddle with me even if I have been working around the house all day and don't smell like roses.

I picked him out when he was no bigger than our TV remote and my dad and I drove all the way to the most Southern part of Iowa to get him when he was no bigger than my slipper. He has been naughty, he has been downright a HUGE pain in the rear, but hes been all mine and a constant source of joy and entertainment.

I am so thankful to Beau for working so hard with him to get him to shape up when I didn't have the heart to just so we could keep him. He did it for me, not because he loves him...and I am so thankful to my parents for keeping him for us while we are moving around the country. It is such a blessing to me.

Happy Birthday Oliver! We love you!

I thought I should write something

A friend of mine posted once about how she was always looking at houses now and had picked out her dream home. I think we have our dream home figured out but what is a home without FURNITURE?!

One night I was sitting on the couch waiting for Beau to come home and basically NOT studying when I felt compelled to make my own visual list of things that I love. So I went on etsy and have decided that, much like in other things, my taste in furniture has changed. I found these amazing goodies on etsy and have come to the conclusion that I am ALL ABOUT THE VINTAGE!

Enjoy!